


One Lonely Journal Keeper

by just_the_worst



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: #i gave myself a case of the sads, #so now you must suffer too, Gen, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 00:37:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14008308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_the_worst/pseuds/just_the_worst
Summary: Lucretia reflects on her life post-Stolen Century.Spoilers for The Stolen Century (as one might imagine).





	One Lonely Journal Keeper

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! I noticed there weren't really many fics focusing on Lucretia so I figured I'd help with that :P
> 
> CW: potential mild ableism? I tried really hard to minimize this, but there's a still a chance that it's not appropriate.

_Alone. Isn’t this really your natural state? You never had any lasting personal relationships before the IPRE. Why did you think they would be different?_

_It’s better this way. They won’t have to live with the burden of what we’ve done any longer. They won’t have to live with the burden of what **you’ve** done._

For the first few weeks all Lucretia could bring herself to do was walk outside once darkness had fallen, and stare at the stars.

She would look up at the stars and think of her friends, now lost to her. She would remember Magnus, enthusiastically telling her about his newest space-puppy (the man had an uncanny ability to attract any dog-like lifeforms that could be found on any planet). She would remember Merle, trying to convince her of the merits of eating some weird mushrooms he had found on the ground (“don’t you want to write about what happens?”). She would remember Taako, trying and failing spectacularly at teaching her how to make a Bolognese sauce to impress her date (Lucretia was a woman of many talents, but cooking was not one of them). She would remember Barry, animatedly telling her the results of his newest research almost as quickly as she could write them down (“After performing the statistical analysis, we can conclude that the plants that were set on fire lived for a shorter period of time on average than the control plants that were not set on fire p<0.01”) . She would remember Lup trying to convince her to live a little and help her burn down the mansion of a crusty old guy that was exploiting some townsfolk (Lup generally encouraged Lucretia to set something on fire at least once per cycle). She would remember Davenport and how steadfast he was in offering advice and support for his crew (What wouldn’t Lucretia give for some of that advice right now?).

Every morning, Lucretia would return after the last stars had faded. Davenport would be waiting for her in the common area of the inn where they were staying. He would look at her quizzically and Lucretia would feel hope, trepidation, and fear in a momentary wave of emotion. _Did he somehow remember something?_

“Davenport” he would say, and those feelings would disappear. He still only had his name left.

It was at this point that Lucretia would begin to cry. She couldn’t help it. What had she done? She had done this to him. He used to be a leader with wise words to share with all of them, and she had taken that away.

Davenport would then give her a hug and she would cry harder. He couldn’t remember her. All that he really knew about her was that she would come in, covered in dirt from lying down outside, and cry every morning. Even though he had no idea who she was, his first instinct was still to try to help her.

_"Davenport, I don’t deserve your kindness. Please…"_

She never could bring herself to finish asking him to stop doing this. It felt like a knife in her chest, but she deserved it.

Davenport would then pull back and offer her a handkerchief as they walked to their rooms in silence. Lucretia would close the door behind her and then sleep. She would sleep until it was time to repeat the cycle. Was there really anything better for her to do? She was a wreck, why did she think she'd be able to gather the Grand Relics without them?

Lucretia was alone now. She was just going to have to learn to cope with that.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, thanks for reading! :D
> 
> I just wanted to say that when I thought about how I wanted to frame this, I thought about what it would be like to be RESPONSIBLE for a life-changing physical injury. I know that this comparison might be comparing apples to oranges as the context surrounding neurological/cognitive injuries is not the same as it is for physical injuries. I'm hoping that this comparison was still appropriate. 
> 
> Please let me know if you found my fic troubling! I want to do better and I know that I might not have gotten it perfect.
> 
> I hope you have a fantastic day!


End file.
